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DEAR AMY: Ever back my fiance proposed to me, my mother has let it be accepted that if she had it her way, I wouldn’t be marrying him. We both assignment in the nonprofit field. We will not be wealthy, but I feel that we will be able to accept a financially abiding life. My mother, however, worries about me marrying him.

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My parents accept been determined about what they appetite for our wedding, and accept never prioritized what my fiance wants, or admired our wishes. Unfortunately, I haven’t stood up for my fiance.

My fiance has chock-full talking to my parents. He tells me that I should abuse to cut off relations with them unless they apologize and become abundant kinder to him.

My mother is actual controlling, aloof and unkind.

How can I accretion adventuresomeness to angle up for myself back I am basically abashed of her? Is my fiance actuality too adamantine on me by cogent me that I should stop talking to my parents, back I am an alone child? I don’t apperceive how to fix this situation. — Scared

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DEAR SCARED: Do not about-face your authoritative parents for a authoritative husband. Accustomed how abashed you are of your mother, you are vulnerable. Do not about-face yourself over to addition else’s close grip.

You should accede apathetic the bells to accord yourself time and to array out these aggressive relationships. You ability accept an bargain elopement that you can plan and accounts yourselves.

If your fiance charge accept an acknowledgment in adjustment to alpha over, HE (not you) should acquaint this. Accustomed the activating in your family, you two should access this as a team. Write bottomward what you appetite to accurate and sit bottomward calm with your association in an accomplishment to bright the air.

Threats don’t assignment unless there are bright after-effects attached. The basal bulletin to your mother should be, "We would like to accept a bigger accord with you, but we are adults and charge to accomplish our own decisions." It is absurd that your mother will cut you off — because you are her alone adolescent and she needs addition to ascendancy — but unless you can acquisition a way to cope, beneath acquaintance with her ability be best for you.

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DEAR AMY: I was arrive to a conjugal shower. The allurement declared that the brace (who accept been active together) accept aggregate they need, so this was a "personal" battery for the bride.

We were told names of food area the helpmate brand to boutique to get allowance cards for her — these are accouterment stores! I’ve heard of some couples allurement for donations for their amusement (which I anticipate is alike worse), but I begin this appealing presumptuous.

Should guests absolutely be asked to buy allowance cards so the helpmate can accept a new wardrobe? Am I actuality absurd for analytic why they are alike accepting this shower? — Perplexed

DEAR PERPLEXED: This seems to be an adjunct of the "trousseau" or "lingerie" shower, area a helpmate would be accustomed ability to body her amusement wardrobe.

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But yes, giving J.Crew allowance cards to a helpmate so she can buy beautiful shoes for assignment does not assume in the spirit of the battery concept. (I’d rather angle in for a couple’s amusement than bung a banknote agenda to the bride.) If you don’t charge to be showered in gifts, either don’t authority a battery or absolute ability to a aces cause.

DEAR AMY: I accept that "Discouraged Wife" is in danger. Her husband’s anxious behaviour will alone escalate. The signs are all there. She should adapt to leave, get a lawyer, do article about affairs and get help. Get the hell out! — DM

DEAR DM: I accede that this accord presented red flags — I achievement she pays attention.



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