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American Idol‘s top three contenders–Davids Archuleta and Cook, and Syesha Mercado–hold their aftermost sing-off afore abutting week’s big sing-off tonight, and we’re advancing atcha live, as a bandage that will apparently never get its Ryan Seacrest due would say! Dan Fogelberg, Switchfoot, Billy Joel, Roberta Flack, and a song from Happy Feet that maybe 0.5% of the ever-shrinking Idol admirers will apperceive after… the jump.

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8:00 p.m. The three actual contestants are actuality alien as a aerial academy student, an actress, and a bartender–not a absoluteness appearance winner, a bootless absoluteness appearance contestant, and a bartender.

8:01 p.m. This is additionally the adjustment that the three contestants will sing in tonight. It’s “a cardinal moment in the lives of our three finalists”! And “the abutting chase our appearance has anytime seen”!

8:02 p.m. The board are all in black, as if this is Idol‘s funeral. Randy is in paisley that looks like it’s a brilliant map; Paula is in glitter; Simon is in a crewneck.

8:02 p.m. Syesha is in a continued blatant dress again–a floor-length adaptation of her Beyonce song?–while the two guys are acid jeans.

8:03 p.m. David A. is up first, singing “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel, who should apparently be on the appearance abutting season.

8:04 p.m. Paula aloof let apart a agglomeration of gibberish about why this is a acceptable aces for David. David, of course, is excited.

8:04 p.m. String addition leads into… David singing acappella. With not abounding runs at all! Do you anticipate he understands the words now that his dad isn’t cogent him to melisma it up?

8:05 p.m. And he’s not smiling, either. Could it accept been his ancestor who was authoritative him all cheesed out?

8:06 p.m. Randy: “You are in it to win it, baby.”

8:06 p.m. Paula: “It was a authentic and beauteous performance.”

8:07 p.m. He still looks like he’s activity to cry. Ooh, Simon lets apart with the “predictable”! I admiration if he’s aggravating to exhausted David down. “Good… I don’t anticipate it was outstanding.” This is like the teacher’s pet accepting a B plus.

8:08 p.m. Commercial breach No. 1: A Vitamin Water ad that does not affection Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood, but LeBron James. As a aegis attorney. With a artifice that is absolutely aerial from that adventure of The Brady Agglomeration area the guy fakes whiplash.

8:10 p.m. I consistently like addition out how the songs that are acclimated as jingles, and their singers, would do on American Idol. Oh, shit, I aloof remembered I accept to assurance up for my admirers slot!

8:11 p.m. It’s chaos. Ryan is impersonating Randy. Syesha is in the aback of a limo. Paula’s mic is off.

8:12 p.m. “Why’d you accept [Alicia Keys’ “If I Ain’t Got You”] for Syesha?” “Well, I saw her accomplish it on that abhorrence that approved to attempt with Idol a few years back…”

8:12 p.m. Unlike her aftermost televised achievement of this song, she is not sitting on a piano. Also, her beard is straightened, which makes her attending Serious, I guess.

8:13 p.m. Noticeably Collapsed Note No. 1.

8:14 p.m. Randy: “That’s why you’re continuing there No. 3.” OMG HINT AT ELIMINATIONS TO COME!! MUST CREDIT IDOLATOR!!

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8:15 p.m. Syesha aloof gave a bold “thanks gurl!!!” to Paula’s acclaim on her album.

8:15 p.m. Ah, now she’s arena up the Southern accent. Girl has been watching Hillary Clinton’s blue-collar-region ambiguous for sure.

8:16 p.m. David Cook and Syesha got their song choices via iPhone argument messages, while David Archuleta had his handed to him by a weirdly moustached Utahan mayor.

8:18 p.m. Simon capital David C. to amplitude himself with “The Aboriginal Time I Anytime Saw Your Face.” It’s alive able-bodied so far, in a “I would change this if it came on in the car, but I can see bodies melting over it” array of way.

8:18 p.m. Are they acid to his mom? Affectionate of weird.

8:18 p.m. Ah, the big power-ballad finish. Some tropes of bedrock and cycle never die.

8:19 p.m. House brought down.

8:19 p.m. Randy: “You can sing the buzz book too…. but I appetite you to rock, baby. You’re a rocker.”

8:20 p.m. Paula tries to collapse Randy and Simon’s collective-ego… and tells David he’s the second-favorite being who’s anytime articulate it. Uh, thanks?

8:20 p.m. Simon proclaims that he’s won this round. OH GOD DAVID JUST GAVE HIS MOM A MOTHER’S DAY SHOUTOUT. Because, like the added contestants, he can’t be in blow with his parents all the time, ahem.

8:22 p.m. Unless Archuleta faints onstage and Syesha finds addition cleavage-baring dress, I anticipate we’re seeing the all-David afterpiece that everyone’s predicted for the accomplished six weeks. I don’t anticipate that’s premature.

8:25 p.m. The girls are activity agrarian for David’s Chris Brown pick. And he said it was a boxy song to practice.

8:26 p.m. Ryan is cogent David to move over to the stage, and David’s confused. “Wait, what?”

8:26 p.m. Has anyone anytime acclimated the chat “boo” added awkwardly?

8:27 p.m. Some accessible struggles with the lyrics–a near-muff at one point. He alone absolutely gets assured aback he’s abnormal from the melody, which apparently says article about his date alarm and its paralyzing nature. He absolutely didn’t assume assured at all on the lyrics, although I bet the board won’t say a abuse thing.

8:28 p.m. Randy additionally didn’t get the “my boo” thing, appearance I anticipate the aboriginal time we’ve agreed on David all season.

8:28 p.m. Paula thinks he did a abundant job, of course. Because he didn’t canyon out on stage.

8:29 p.m. Simon: “It was a little bit like a chihuahua aggravating to be a tiger”–Audience: BOOOO!!–“insomuch as it’s not absolutely you. I anticipation it was absolutely awkward.” Well, yeah. He’s aggravating to act his age for the aboriginal time in, what, ten years or so?

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8:30 p.m. Syesha is in addition blatant dress. Singing “Fever.” Apparently she’s activity to use a armchair somehow.

8:31 p.m. Man, she is absolutely arena up the Southern accent. Syesha. YOU’RE FROM FLORIDA.

8:31 p.m. Her syncopation is off. As is the lighting. Will she wind up humping the chair? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

8:32 p.m. My acquaintance Bryan, a diehard Idol aloof who aloof arrived: “She’s affectionate of breasting it up.”

8:33 p.m. Randy alleged her song best “very interesting.” But he brand it! And Paula, already again, is adage that she looks lovely. But she’s afraid by her song choice, because it doesn’t appearance her “who Syesha is as an artist.”

8:33 p.m. Simon thinks that she’ll affliction her accommodation tomorrow, because she did “quite a bruised cabaret performance.” Well, aback your adaptation isn’t alike as acceptable as Madonna‘s…

8:34 p.m. I’m replaying “With You” for Bryan, who got ashore in cartage on the George Washington Bridge. This is the aboriginal time he’s anytime apparent Idol live, because he usually works night!

8:36 p.m. The dancing comes off alike added kid-at-a-wedding-forced-by-his-parents on the additional viewing.

8:37 p.m. “That was the affliction accommodation ever,” Bryan aloof told me.

8:39 p.m. Ryan is sitting spread-eagled on Syesha’s chair! He looks alike beneath than accepted compared to David Cook on the stool.

8:40 p.m. David Cook singing Switchfoot’s “Dare You To Move”–and already he bliss into the choir I absolutely bethink it. I admiration if this guy still buys Puddle of Mudd records?

8:41 p.m. Paula and Randy don’t like it! Paula thinks his adaptation was too short. Simon isn’t crazy about the abridgement of melody that the clue has, which, surprise, is my botheration with best songs of that ilk too.

8:43 p.m. David Archuleta goes adapted into Dan Fogelberg. Yawn, yawn, addition arid ballad.

8:44 p.m. This is the milkiest allotment of white aliment ever. Does America absolutely appetite bad floral wallpaper as its Idol? Really, America?

8:44 p.m. Randy already afresh trots out the “you can sing the buzz book” line. Ah, autopilot. Paula can alone aggregation up the chat “lovely.” Simon, however, thinks the song is terrible, that the lyrics were so adhesive and that they were added adapted for a 90-year-old and that the producers should all blaze themselves–OK I fabricated that aftermost allotment up–but that he’s activity to get through to the finals anyway.

8:50 p.m. Lloyd from Entourage and Justin Guarini are both in the audience. And Jeff Archuleta will be on the tour!

8:50 p.m. And now Syesha is in Happy Feet, singing one of those Beyonce-like percussive-run-filled songs that are appealing abundant absurd to cull off unless you’re a) Beyonce and b) backed by her band.

8:51 p.m. This is not good. I feel like she’s aloof afraid continued addendum in for the purposes of filler.

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8:52 p.m. Well, that was fast-sexy as against to “Fever”‘s slow-sexy, and neither of them worked.

8:52 p.m. Simon: “So it’s a song about penguins.”

8:53 p.m. And Paula drops the “not acceptable abundant for the finals” bomb! This is the analysis of Syesha’s fanbase.

8:53 p.m. And Simon thinks that she ailing aftermost week. She’s done.

8:53 p.m. Bryan: “Is it absolutely a song about penguins?” Me: “I anticipate it’s a song about bushing amplitude on a high-budget movie’s soundtrack.”

8:54 p.m. Bryan thinks that the anniversary Syesha was the best was the anniversary that she absent her voice. Oh burn! How abounding of us absence Carly, though? Hands?

8:57 p.m. The final performance! The guy continuing abutting to Ryan is authoritative a brainless “I’m absolutely activity to be acclaimed on YouTube” face!

8:58 p.m. I assumption this is the Apocalyptica adaptation of “I Don’t Wanna Absence A Thing.”

8:58 p.m. This accomplished adventure is authoritative me absence Josiah Leming.

8:59 p.m. Strobe lights! Big notes! Ah, Syesha, it was fun while it lasted.

8:59 p.m. Whenever Randy starts a appraisal with “For me…” you apperceive he’s activity to say he didn’t like it.

9:00 p.m. Simon thinks that “I Don’t Appetite To Absence A Thing” is one of the greatest songs of all time–and that David won the night. Well, one affectionate of actual account and one HORRIBLY WRONG OH MY GOD DO YOU HAVE EARS COWELL account isn’t all bad.

9:01 p.m. Nothing says “rocker,” Bryan notes, like a cape with a T-shirt, as against to a cape t-shirt.

9:01 p.m. Acid aback to David Archuleta’s adaptation of “With You” is authoritative Bryan able up.

9:02 p.m. Oh man, and as if to accentuate that they appetite Syesha out, they cut a montage with all collapsed notes. Beggarly producers! Not that I alike appetite her to stick around, but appear on.

9:03 p.m. Bryan and I accede that an befalling was absent by not accepting David Cook sing “Dude Looks Like A Lady”–dedicated to Simon and/or Ryan.

9:07 p.m. Bobby V time. I mean, we all apperceive what’s activity to appear tomorrow, right? I’m activity to put a poll up but appear on.

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